I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
I don't get it.
Me neither.
But I masturbated to it anyway.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
I just asked my hair stylist how many percocets she'd do my hair for.
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
I was told u were the one who could explain to me why i woke up in the running shower, still in my dress and heels
I could be wrong, but im pretty sure i jumped off the roof after my lighter.
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
He barged in the room with no shirt on, all fucking ripped with a half keg under one arm. Sara now calls him Bronan the Beerbarian
well he never texted me back and the pizza I took my rage out didn't deserve such malice
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