Taylor Swift is so right about you.
were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
can you sing with all the voices of the mountain? can you paint with al the colors of the windddd
wasted?
im pocohantasssss
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
please stop yelling "ITS NARNIAAAAAAAAA" out of our window at the lone person walking home in the snow
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
I was just handed a bible on my walk of shame....are you there god? its tequila tuesday's hangover
Shit ive learned: when going out to a party, always wear a bathing suit underneath just in case theres a pool with a roof next to it
It's amazing to think about how many Obama victory sex babies are being prevented by Obamacare free contraception.
I found a playlist on my ipod with only one song on it: gold digger. confused, but not surprised.
Sent him a snap chat of him eating me out so he can relive the moment.
I take it you're alive?
Mostly. Can't quite control my arms.
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
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