So he says he needs "alone time" a day that he doesnt have to deal with anyone. should i be concerned?
I think in guy language thats " Im fucking someone else and dont want u catching me"
I need to stop coming to work sober
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
she was so wasted that she tried to tuck me in and read the jokes on the taco bell sauce as a bed time story
We've finally become those guys who you'd see in middle school when you went to the park who are just stoned out of their minds sitting on the swings.
I think call of duty has replaced my masturbating. And I'm alright with that.
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
The owner of this phone is no longer accepting texts from liars, assholes or married men. You figure out which one applies.
I told the DJ last night to play Third Eye Blind before 1:45 and just pointed at him as I walked away. He didn't do it and at 1:45 I just walked out pointing at him, without my friends
By the way, anytime you want to go toe to toe on Doggystyle lyrics just let me know!
Who is this? Did we just become best friends?!
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
It's 7:30pm and we've already lost someone and had to run from the cops. What the fuck did you put in the punch?
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
I just volunteered myself to get tazed this should get interesting
Randomize
