I hate cats. They're so curious, it's not their damn business.
Discovered the coffee filter hasn't been changed in a while. I believe the mold has hypnotic properties. Would try it again, but coffee vomit is not pleasant.
so apparently we got drunk enough at the reception to rip the center pieces apart and use the flower vases as "fancy glasses"
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
giving him head while hes talking to his fiancee on the phone about inviting me to their wedding.... im invited. should i go or would that be wrong?
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
I come back upstairs and she's leaning over sink full of vomit saying 'oh my god it's the chili'
I just commented on the education level of his penis.
Yeah when we were together he never sent me dick pics like a normal boyfriend. It was always pizzas. That should've been my sign.
I'm prostituting myself for tickets to Disney World. There's a contradiction there.
He wore the same cologne as my orthodontist so all I could think about was how I hadn't worn my retainer in months
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
conclusion: canadians have really freaky sex
Randomize
