You know you want to come over later
1:27a: Um no
1:45a: Maybe
2:05a: Probably
2:38a: I'm outside, let me in
Oral text is very safe with the right protection.
just saw a girl with a lower back tattoo of the boondock saints prayer.. i will marry her
A moment of silence for all our pussy whips bro's who had to endure the NEW MOON premier!
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
New brilliant plan: invite two random okcupid girls to the same bar at the same time, have them compete
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
sorry there isn't a 'perfect ass' emoji
Yup, found the vomit in the side compartment. My bad.
Letting Freddy Krueger eat me out = HAPPY HALLOWEEN TO ME!!!
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
Randomize