Any of you guys fuck a 16 year old again? Because our front yard got fucked over high school style.
I basing my decision on whether or not to date someone on whether I could imagine having sex with them sober
either way he was missing a nipple.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
No you usually just ranted about the voicemail bitch until she cut you off again
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
Jesus christmas you are like the Martha Stewart of threeway planning
who started the 'put a scrunchy' around his balls' game?
New drunken fun fact of last night, after I pushed Sarah and before I started making out with guy #1, I shouted that I'd go to third base on a first date, then threw myself at him
And I just want you to know I got myself into this mess. I gotta get myself out. Plus, don't you only need one kidney?
You were like a drunk and unconscious tickle me elmo.
I woke up and there was a huge blow up palm tree in my bed...
You don't know happiness until you've got to smoke weed inside taco bell and then eat all you want for free
Randomize
