Yea and his cousin visited from central and i fucked her i was texting him at work teasin him about it but sent it to his mom by accident
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
hot ketchup is not a substitute for marinara
"I could never have "feelings" for someone who, at one point, wanted to "hate fuck" my face."
just peed on my foot to get a spider off. that lazy.
I wish orgasms lasted as long as the pain from rug burn
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Apparently I joined a band last night. Definitely my favorite blackout.
He called his prostate his "boner button".
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
I'm wandering around outside asking things if they are god
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
Did she seriously come back inside just to piss on the kitchen floor?
Just went to jump into bed... Completely missed the bed.
Randomize
