i thought she was just hairy. i didn't know she was also a man.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
She sprinted out of the bathroom and ran all the way into the middle of the street. Five minutes later she came back with a banana nut muffin. She's that kind of drunk.
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
His new job just became new places to have sex at.
you shall refer to me as my indian name from now on...running with dumb cunts
They reenacted the scene from the lion king where mufasa talked to simba from the clouds. As high as they were they got it word for word. There has to be an award for that.
I had to explain to the waiter that I'm not the DD because I can't drive, but as the Designated 'Make Sure No One Gets Roofied Or Hit By A Car On The Walk Home'-er, I should still get the free drinks.
You don't care if I shave my legs, but you insist I be conscious for sex. Whatever. I really think your priorities are out of whack.
I fell asleep masterbating while watching family guy... This is what happens when girl's night gets canceled
My uterus feels like it went 8 rounds with Mike Tyson. And that was only a quickie.
He ate me out for an eternity. Like fell asleep, woke up, and he was still doing it.
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