You love popeyes more than me
does delicious chicken come out of your vagina?
Just facebooked the guy whose name you're yelling in there. So you're aware, his interests include "swearing at babies" and "Ice luge"
i need to find a birthday card for her that tells her how happy i am that i can now legally bang her
We literally played a game called pass the child which consisted of us shitfaced tossing the 5 year old birthday boy at each other
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
Take off that red sweater and wear my vagina as a facemask.
My night consisted of weed, sex, and Mexican food. In that order. I think we found the keys to saving our marriage.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
Drunk naked twister. My place. Heath is trying to use his dick as a third leg.
I'm pretty sure I have enough material at this point to start a blog called Guys I've Banged in Pictures together. Why does this keep happening to me!
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
Is there one of me peeing? If so do I look bangable in it
Thanks for not letting me get involved with a serial killer. That's true friendship
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