ok think of it like jelly beans. if you can learn to like the licorice ones, youll always have lots of them because no one else wants them. its the same with fat chicks
Just did a line with a monopoly bill. Tell me I'm not fancy.
I dont know how to say this. But the hottest girl where im at has one arm.
There are now half chewed girl scout cookies plastered to my windshield. Do you know anything about this?
Everyone loves nachos, first of all. Second, Ke$ha is entirely appropriate for the age grou too young to realize she probably has Hep C.
Might I also add after my boss threw up in the garbage can and yelled puking rally, he dougied, then told me I wasn't about that life.
Hahaha I can already see the arrest warrants. It's gonna be beautiful. I'll get them framed.
If a raisin and a desert had a bastard child that would be the inside of my mouth right now
After closing we did it on every flat surface in the bar. Best use a coaster if you're coming to happy hour today.
Why is there no Netflix category for "I just wanna cry, but I don't have time for a whole romcom"?
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
How do you teach a grown ass men how to fuck? Why is good sex so hard to find these days?
Mike's not allowed to drink vodka anymore. He couldn't get his temporary tattoos (stickers) to stick so he super glued them on.
I just racked up a fucking ginormous hospital bill because I came so hard I had an asthma attack
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