i'm drinking out of my 'black like my president' mug
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
I got really high with eric & scott.. they're discussing why words sound the way they do.. it's going to get messy
toilet paper cling ons are not as adorable as the little red cub makes them look on the charmin commercials.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
Woke up to the sound of my own moans coming from the tv....evidently it was videotaped.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
Sadness tears and throw up everywhere
If we ever start off with margaritas for breakfast and end up naked covered in olive oil...I could think of worse ways to spend a day.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
Technically ya I did. Hes tried to get down my pants like 3 times now and every time I have been all "these are not the Droids you are looking for"
Went to night shots with Kayla... she punched this guy and I got his friends number. Not sure if she's the best or worst wingman ever.
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
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