Skipping work because i'm still too drunk from last night still. got home at midnight and passed out in front of my door for 2 hours bc i couldn't find my key
had to call my rooommate to let us in. Passed out in my dress and found the key on my hair tie-in my hair- just now.
It was kinda bitchy last night when i brought up my pregnancy scare and you said "shotty playing with it"
She didn't know my name but she knew I was Canadian so she just called me Canada. It sounded like the national anthem when we were fucking.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Dear God. I kissed a man tonight who was born in 1936.
He just kept pointing to each of us saying "arrested, arrested, arrested"
i get of class at 4. it takes me 17 minutes to walk home and 3 to load a bowl. thank you, priority registration.
Are we going out tonight?
My conscience says no but my vag says yes
I lost it last night. That was humiliating. Cincinnati is now covered in my puke.
I just slow jerked to the titanic theme song, i dont think theres enough alcohol in the state to get me over her tonight
Managed to get through family dinner without anyone knowing I was tripping balls. Christmas miracle. He exists.
Pretty sure I just became my mom's wingman
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
I'm nothing if not determined to sleep with everyone at that company
i don't know what it is about you being around kids that makes me want to screw your brains out
That is the creepiest and also the sexist thing you've ever said
i think it's like a sexual celebration of not having kids
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