omg he said he wants to insert his penis into my vagnia what do i say
tell him to stop quoting family guy
Let's just say for some reason we thought it was okay to make a burrito smoothie.
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
There is a large scratch and bruise about the size of a pizza bagel next to my vagina. Please text back if you know what happened.
You remember that guy i fucked in Ireland who stopped in the middle to talk about why he had 8 pillows on his bed? Yeah he's following me on twitter...
You kept challenging people to a cartwheel contest...when someone finally agreed, you cartwheeled into some chicks face, then tried to propose to her as an apology. Fyi, she said no
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
Dude, you need to man up. You passed out before a PRESEASON game. It's a long season.
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
He broke into my house just to tell me the door was locked.
And my coffee table looks like something out of Scarface
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
Harry Potter pub crawl tonight. You know you're living your life right when your check list for the evening is wizard robes, wand and acid.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
Dear god my vagina.
Randomize
