His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
They made my facebook status "I got my period!!!." Every guy I've had sex with at college liked it.
First time i ever had an awkward silence during sex.
That taco smell coming from your belly button was a huge turnoff
he said "cool" when i took off my bra and proceeded to stare wideeyed at them the ENTIRE time. it was like sleeping with the kid i showed my boobs to for the first time in 6th grade.
EW EW EW EW THAT PENIS BELONGS TO SOMEONE'S FATHER! THAT PENIS BELONGS TO OUR FRIEND'S FATHER! THAT PENIS HELPED CREATE OUR FRIEND! YOU'RE NOT ALLOWED TO ADMIRE IT!
Playing basket ball at the park with random people that showed up at 1am. the division of teams is based on what drugs people are on
I was passed out in a dog food bowl tor two hours. Just tapped my dinner beer. I love homecoming.
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
Last night you found an onion ring in your fries and then you started singing "A Moment like this"
I'm daydrinking whiskey in a princess hat
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
My cousin was arrested on a class b felony for selling meth out of the back door of McDonald's where he worked. Apparently it was the extra special sauce.
It was a career choice to be sure... Mistakes were made.
u would mumble something and then get unnecessarily loud and say random shit like 'id fuck the shit out of taylor hanson right now'
Randomize