I either date the nice guys or the assholes. There isn't any in between.
You need to find a taint.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
It was tug of war between me and the cop. He wanted the beer, I wanted the coozie.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
What sexual position says im sorry for your loss?
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
If your boss lets you sleep on his couch, you don't pay him back by boning his daughter.
im dying and naked and this is what youre living with next year.
Give me a minute. I'm trying to buy moonshine from a railroad worker named "Cowboy."
he sneezed into my face mid-kiss
Bless his heart
Worse. He's Mormon. At least a gay guy will go get drinks with me.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
sorry didn’t mean to call you, i was just trying to put the t-rex emoji beside your name
I tried making my own red bull with crushed up caffeine pills, bubbley water and flintstones chewable vitamins. The ER doctor sead I'm lucky to be alive.
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