so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
We did face masks and fucked...he really isn't gay, what they say about europeans is just true
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
He's prob getting laid right now and I'm sitting alone in my duct tape shoes.
You were competing with my dog to see who had the stronger bark....
Just had a brita power hour to try to counter act all the wine i chugged last night.....fucking franzia
you know you have a brother who cares when he hands you a piece of pizza before you pass out from too many bong hits
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
I'd just like to say before I start drinking tonight that not only do I not find you attractive; I don't want to hook up with you, suck your dick, be your "suga mama" or have your babies. Please disregard any texts, phone calls or voicemails that say otherwise..
Can't you just imagine you've grudge fucked me so we can get past this?
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
Omg last night I was giving shots out like I was the Willy Wonka of the alcohol world.
Really, who hasn't had sex on your bed?
ME.
This is the Front Desk Lady from the Saturolite Inn. Your friend is passed out in the lobby. Please come help her.
Ever look at an ex and wonder...was I drunk that entire relationship??
Yes, yes I do.
Randomize
