Who was more unwelcome: The two of us at the party last night, or Kimmy Gibler at the Tanner residence?
My mom can no longer prohibit me from smoking pot..I sell to her boyfriend.
He told me he breastfed 'til he was six. That explains the obsession with me getting fake tits. Is it a red flag?
I think it's our patriotic duty to get high and watch the state of the union tonight
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
Guess what happened to me today at work?
I have chlamydia. What happened.
Oh lets talk about your news first. Mine is happy so it should go second.
Oh Brad. Your poor brain, always being ignored for your penis and crazy women.
Now I can't unsee my hot boss's under-boobs. Monday will be awkward.
Pics or STFU
Not to mention I think lunch is a little inappropriate when our relationship is only based on Mario kart and alcohol so far...
I come from a long history of big boobed German, Swedish, and Irish women. And then there's me. Mother nature was like "Naaaaaaah."
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Why did I wake up with BYOB sharpied on my stomach
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
Randomize