Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
im sure we could have fun without alcohol but i just dont wanna chance it...
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
He corrected me on my grammar when I came. Fuck English majors.
yeah...i noticed he pets people when he's drunk. It's odd.
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
we should drop off a car at the police station before going out tonight so we can drive home in the morning
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
Why do you think it's a no-pants party?
Invite says "dress to impress". Her fault for leaving it open to interpretation.
How did "late lunch" turn into 8 solid hours of drinking??? I feel like death.
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
Killing two birds with one stone tonight: mastrabation meditation. Win win.
You've slept with someone mentioned in the NY Times, that officially makes you the most famous person I know.
I just put on lipstick to sext him. That should tell you where my love life is at.
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
