Who did Billy Mays play for?
He felt like a one man threesome
Repeat the weekend mantra. "I like boys with teeth, I need boys with teeth, I deserve boys with teeth, I will have boys with teeth".
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
we're going to the olympic park to run the 100m yeaaaahhh
it's 3am. Nothing could possibly go wrong here.
I don't want a baby! I JUST WANT AN ORGASM THAT ISN'T SELF INFLICTED.
My day in three words: secret purse cake
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
I'm somewhere between crying and wanting to orgasm.
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
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