All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
I woke up wearing no shirt sleeping next to a half-eaten grilled cheese.
Well did you call the grilled cheese yet? Or r u waiting the usual 3 days?
seems the shocker is way more shocking if u get the fingers wrong
I bought canned wine on a clearance aisle at the liquor store... I feel like I'm living in an episode of It's Always Sunny.
It was so weird. I had like an out of body experience. I heard the moaning, but I didn't know it was me.
Ps. I feel like I may pee myself this weekend. Either drunkenly or out of excitement. Toss up
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
Just watched a girl lose her dignity at the corner...it's not even midnight
I gave him a handjob in the uber car. Life is really spiraling downwards.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
For a man with no legs he was surprisingly good at doggy style.
I don't know whether to high-five you or stage an intervention.
But truly, sorry about your empty vagina
Thanks boo.
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
Randomize
