I tried booty calling last night but apparently he was too tired and wants to meet up tonight. I told him planning defeats the purpose.
I can't get into him, he looks really young. I'd feel like I was blowing the Gerber baby.
sometimes i wish i had a whole other life to spend on youtube
This morning my doorman told me it was an accomplishment for me to be standing and conscious after last night.
he was so drunk I had to hold him up and he started crying when he heard an ambulance siren and said "is that for me?"
It feels wrong to have dick mouth at a family dinner.
She almost killed me. The shot she handed me had tacks in it. Wtf?!
Don't act like you're not jealous that I disappeared into the closet to blow my husband. Marriage = all the cock I want.
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
That's actually very serious....I really do think of you whenever is see pizza
I'm so glad you haven't fallen off any more yachts
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
i smell like vinegar and tequila i can feel the old people behind me judging
You some how ended up sleeping on one of the beams that run along the ceiling of your house
I knew she was the one when we had sex to the halo soundtrack.
Randomize
