I mean, it really isn't YOUR car until you have sex in it.
i don't think my family understands the severity of a twenty first birthday.
I am waking up at 7am to go to church with him and his family... I better get eaten out tonight.
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
I Apparently saved a picture of the Eiffel tower in between 2 pics of his dick. It appears to be the same size. I fucking love Paris.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
Some random at the bar just whispered in my ear that he wants to eat me out while on bath salts....
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Okay. So I've done lines off a bible. But that's just for the sake of being cliché.
dude igloo, 4 foot bong, and 3 grams of blue dream. will you be my eskimo buddy?
If I don't get alcohol poisoning from tonight I don't think i ever will.
Randomize
