it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
i guess you could say your face is two degrees of separation from my balls
It wasn't random sex though, it was almost a relationship, built on lies and sex
There is a slip-n-slide in the hallway and a girl just did it topless cuz I told her it was my birthday. Where are you?
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
I came back and almost ran over two people passed out in my driveway I've never met before in my life
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Saw 2 lesbians fist fighting outside the bar tonight. I was startled yet slightly turned on
I'm definitely not going to be able to fuck him high. I won't be able to not laugh at his man boobs
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Met the hot new neighbor. She's into country music and giving really good bjs. Latter made up for the former.
Randomize
