Alcohol only hurts me because he loves me.
Be careful down there, Shane may have pooped on the carpet.
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
She puked in the bank of America parking lot? Awesome.
Yeah, figured I'd deposit my check while we were there.
im really going to miss that car, so many blow jobs...
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
I had sex with a Dutch boy on a rock last night. Happy graduation! x x
She's wearing her dead grandmother's pearl on the married finger so no guys "bother her" tonight... I am not THAT committed to Girl's Night.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
I swear she lies about being allergic to gluten so she'll get all the jack and not have to drink shitty beer like the rest of us
I had to puke in a ditch beside a cow pasture and like 50 cows just stood there and watched. I could feel the judgment.
My parents worry about me having parties when they go on vacation. Umm no it just means I'm drinking and smoking alone on the first floor of the house instead of the second
Hashtag Pathetic
never stay at a party until 5am. even if it's because of daylight savings. we ended up having to watch porn with the host's dad...
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
She was screaming and crying about how she couldn't find her middle finger. Then, she threw her body on to the pavement. Thats the last time we buy a freshmen a handle.
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