he just asked if i would like him to change his diet so his jizz tastes better. keeper? i think so.
it doesn't count as moral degradation if you win the strip off -right?
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
You tried to poop in the sink last night.
So not only did team sweden fail to particpate in any drinking game but i also found puke in my viking helmet this morning.
we found a loaf of bread in my bathroom i believe its yours. sorry i took a shower before we noticed so it might be soggy
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
i can't believe you just compared my dick to leprosy
sorry can't. you know Saturday is the masturbating day for single sorority girls here.
My new best friend is the drag queen who works at mcdonalds and doesnt judge me during my walk of shame coffee break
She walked home carrying a six pack of beer and someone elses cat
SHE BETTER HAVE BROUGHT BACK MY FUCKING COUCH CUSIONS OR SHES GUNNA GET IT.
He made me keep his swollen nut cold with frozen bags of peas while rubbing his tummy because he said I had no choice.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
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