I just bought a large Pizza and Xanex in the same store...my night is complete
they bought blue cups instead of red...wtf how am i supposed to pretend im on laguna beach??
Hashbrowns don't come out your nose as easily as you would think
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
I feel like everything I touch in this bar I'm gonna get hepatitis. my kinda joint
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
Is it a good time to tell him he's getting too clingy if he sent me a picture of my name spelled with Cheerios?
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
Would it be totally inappropriate to have his frat and our sorority Teebowing our exit from the abortion clinic?
We'll just charge in there, all pant less and fabulous demanding he give back her ferret.
That's why you need to have them together. Katie started crying on the couch and she just gave her a tube of crackers and picked up a beer at the same time. She's like a goddess of making things chill
you know your booty call is really trying when he offers to pay the toll for the bridge you have to cross to get to his house
Had to trim my nails cus they got too long to effectively finger myself with
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