i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
I'm on page 4.
Im on beer infinity
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
That's why there are breakfast margaritas.
hey, do you know how many packets of jello it takes to turn a handle of vodka into slutty girls?
The guatemalans kept making all these sexual suggestions ... With the corn
No she had like 2 shots and started ironing her clothes and whispering random shit in my ear
He's had mdma poured down his throat. He's getting huggy.
This guy just tried to hit on me on facebook. His most recent listed education is middle school. This is my life.
Operation: sleep in every bed at the boys' house is nearing completion. Now at 5/9. I AM GOLDILOCKS AND NO ONE CAN STOP ME
You were chugging tap water out of a running blender screaming "bubbles is Perrier mother fucker"
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
I feel like sleeping with foreign people is a long term investment. It's like a time share. Now when I go to London I have a place to stay.
If I die tonight somebody's going to have to let all my tinder matches know.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Randomize
