There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Me + Nice restaurant + Copious amounts of booze + obscene comments to couples = valentine's day plans
I was on my way at Dorito Smoothie
The guy in 209 is masturbating with the door cracked again
whatever a "slut portfolio" is, mine is apparently almost complete
I know you hold the fastest time for "zoo downhill wheelchair racing" but I don't see what that has to do with this.
Yeah I said my new jacket was waterproof, not puke through your nose proof.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We literally just Chinese fire drilled so I could give him road head.
You are the only person I have ever seen offer your other drink to the bouncer on two fors night
Bouncers are people too...giant angry people
If you don't ever hear from me again, just know that I loved you
Jesus Christ that's like a real possibility
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
Dignity. Ruined. Must. Smoke. Weed.
Randomize
