Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
Just registered some guy for opium withdrawals. WTF opium withdrawals, who does opium anymore.
I saw Winona at my church today. She has boobs, now.
Miracles do happen.
SANTA'S REAL. I GOT MY PERIOD.
Ever since I told them the story of the sex in the canoe scandal its like I am in season
When I told her that her boyfriend was making out with another chick, all she said was "which one"
Agreed. And i highly doubt it could be awkward. You do remember our introduction was a direct result of you mentioning your affinity for my genitals, right?
He was dressed in a pink dressing gown feeding people ketamine from a plastic sword he called Excalibur. how was your Monday?
Correction: Jimmy johns. The one pita pit employee has been an asshole to me ever since you locked them out of the store
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
I'm surprised this is your first encounter with pepper spray. surprised, and somewhat proud.
You have my heart. You only share my vagina.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I think we have some hyper-understanding of each other when drunk, because looking back at our text convo from last night, they were literally just jumbled letters.
I've been in town for almost 36 hrs and I haven't made out with a stranger yet - I consider THAT a record!
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