It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just remembered we were doing butt clenching exercising with bar straws last night
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
Two word: claymation porn. Think about it.
I don't think I can ever express my appreciation for the things you text me.
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
You were all "think outside the box, inside the bag!" as you filled your camelback with beer.
Just want to let you know thanks for setting the bar pretty low when it comes to girls.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
I don't know if dry shampoo will fix the decisions we made last night.
He's a real gentleman. At least he tried to flush my closet's handle after he pissed in it.
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
How many gummy vitamins can I eat before I die
My boob job is like a master key that gets me in any door, any party and anyone’s pants! They’re magical!
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