my dad came in to wish me a happy birthday and found me passed out in my underwear with the lights on and a plate of meat on the bed. i bet he was proud to have contributed to my creation in that moment.
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
If there was a creeper hall of fame you and me would be the first two inductees
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
Wonderful brian is stoned out of his mind, floating in a lawn chair in the hot tub eating a giant plate of macaroni and staring at the moon
I just threw up in my front yard because my roommate was in the bathroom. Fuck New Years Day.
just used my amazon order history to figure out my anniversary. I am the most epic/shittiest bf ever...
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
I slept with my wedding DJ..... I think this means my life has come full circle
I'm 22 and I'm drinking hawaiian punch from a sippy cup. Everything is right in the world.
I was so drunk I asked my mom if she had always been my mom or if it was someone else for a while
You just thought it would be a good idea to show your penis to your best friend. No harm, no foul.
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