Did Neil Armstrong say the moon was too far away! NO! He built himself a fucking rocketship is what he did!
I was just told by a cop that my party was the most epic party they ever crashed
Ok I can't be your drugdealer AND booty call AND friend. It just doesn't work that way
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I would have gladly let him decapitate me with the way he was biting on my neck.
He's grinding topless with a group of girls to that discovery channel song. May I take a message?
That's what tomorrow is for. It's like bloodletting. Except with shame and liquor.
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
And then the night went full on bisexual.
Im going to seductively wisper "that butters my biscuit" in your ear
He went down on me and then made me breakfast in bed. He's a man you can bring home to mom.
WHAT THE FUCK HAPPENED. WHO CAME HOME WITH ME. WHAT THE FUCK RESPOND ASAP I AM SO CONFUSED
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
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