I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
We can't have sex anymore. The amount of money I've spent on meds and copays for UTIs is getting ridiculous
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
I made my rape whistle into a roach clip device. FRESHMAN YEAR!
He slow fucked me. Doggy style. On a porch. You never slow fuck doggy style. Its a law. A LAW.
You owe me new eyes. The ones I have are burned with your balls into the back of my eyes. And every time I close them, your balls are right there...
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
I am pretty sure we beat baby seals over the head in a past life. That is why we are being punished.
While I was sneeking out of her apartment, there was a giant cage with a parrot in it. I half expected it to squak "hit and run...hit and run."
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Nothing says "Hello, Adulthood!" quite like receiving a dick photo at 11AM from a guy you haven't heard from since fifth grade.
Some guys phone started vibrating on the tv. I answered mine. That's how high I am.
ALL I WANT IS SEMEN IN/ON/AROUND MY BODY. WHY IS HE MAKING THIS SO HARD.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
