i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
does dane cook know its not 2004 and that hes no longer relevant?
Just spun two beer bottles and Placed them in my pockets perfect... I feel like the clint eastwood of drunks
I couldn't accept the bj. My penis has done nothing wrong and didn't deserve the punishment of her face.
that was you who tried to jump in front of my car in the monkey suit wasnt it
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
Relaxed was like phase 1 of this phase 7 high
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Randomize
