so i woke up on my toliet naked backwards. good night.
Maryland truck stops are full of people with killer mustaches
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
Someones grandma was rubbing my back. I'm way too high for this.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
After you bought Jesus' name tag off him at the Mexican restaurant you commenced to stumbling around the lobby showing anybody who would listen what would Jesus do.
Stop giving me tequila.
Its a "sake bomb in the bathroom during class" kind of day.
Hey, who is this? Sorry, you're in my phone as "you better remember".
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
reason #326 why I'm still single.... my date just told me there's a little boy ghost that lives in his closet because he likes his music.
I ate mushroom chocolates & went to the botanical gardens for Christmas. HAPPY FUCKING HOLIDAYS
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I'm pretty sure my calc professer is on coke. He's just too excited for this to be an 8am class.
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
