oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Ambien does the same to me. One time that I took it, I got this huge bowl of spaghetti out of the fridge and thought it was a castle and that the meatballs were little slaves. I ate all of them first and then the noodles were the soldiers and the sauce was the water in the moat. And when I finished, I fell up the stairs and threw it all up.
Someone just pulled taco bell tacos out of their purse in class....2 problems with here. 1) this class is nutrition 2) taco bell is not open this early.
Just realized after we're done pre-gaming for St. Patricks Day, we have March Madness, the first day of spring, and Easter to pre-game for. March is a great month.
You were yelling at the cops across the street saying they were at the wrong party
Oh please tell me that I'm sleeping in your shower and not the neighbor's again
He looks like he got hit by a weed-eater with chlamydia
Our sex has gotten so much better since we broke up.
If I don't survive tonitght I would like to thank you for the ricekrispy treats. I am majestic
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
Still alive. Just brushed my teeth with fireball.
Randomize
