just so you know, the whole club saw your tits last night. and booed.
Found: medium sized pair of mens pants tucked inside my purse w/ a dry cleaners coupon in left pocket. Call if you wish to claim the coupon
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Let's not refer to him as Dustin. That makes him seek like a real person, not just a dick I would like to experience.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
There is a reason for guards on beard trimmers I just clipped a wrinkle on my sack so much blood
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
thankfully we both ride of shamed home together on razor scooters in dresses because we stopped for breakfast sandwiches too
the worst part about living alone is not having other peoples snacks to mooch off of when you havent gone grocery shopping in three weeks. i'm so pms-y i'm about to eat a soy sauce packet
Remember when we made out in a Chik-Fil-A drive thru?
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
It's 1:37. You have 23 minutes to get your dick to the bar before I go home with the bartender... tick... tick...
Nobody on Tinder wants to give you a Blumpkin.
Randomize
