he called me a worthless slut and then went 2 the bathroom 2 pee on the floor before leavin. but he was really hot and he left his jacket, should i call him?
do you know why i have a volvo grill taped to the back of my car?
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
Were at her birthday dinner and her dad keeps buying me shots saying when I was your age I fucked the shit outta girls
Hahahahahaha remind him your dating his daughter
Currently trying to figure out if the guy has a cane next to me or brought a weird dildo to the bar
Oh, and also, a couple of straight girls showed up. But they ran away.
I shit you not ... they just advertised a recruiting service for strippers at this concert.
do you want me to tag you in the pics from the party?
Hmm. Use your judgment. Bootlicking pics are probably not ok. Otherwise fine.
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
i really need to shower, but i don't want to take off my bra and lose my cleavage. the struggle
Love these next 4 months. Wake up from a college football hangover and get to put your hand down your pants and watch NFL football all day.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
I just walked into my kitchen and my little brother is standing with his face two inches from the clock, staring at it, and eating an apple. I asked wtf he was doing and he just goes "the hour hand is moving VERY slowly".
Randomize