better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
Its not small because its small, Its small because it was cold outside
Taking jello shots out of a big bowl from a measuring spoon. holla atcha boy.
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
there was this guy running across campus barefoot in the pouring rain stepping in all the puddles. i want his life. and i want to be stripper.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
You know you need to hit the gym when you're not strong enough to get the cork outta the wine bottle. And you know you're a drunk when that's the only motivation to do exercises
Dear America, sometimes I miss your Everclear and its consequences.
My g-ma saw your dick-pic and wants you to know I've got a keeper. She says her big whopper died in Korea. Good thing g-pa is still asleep.
stalking the twitter feeds of girls who have fucked my current fuck buddy makes me glad we use condoms
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Well i would have gone to the bar but Satan decided to hold his rituals in my uterus.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
I would fuck him just for his dog
We're so high we're eating flavored lube.
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