Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
Then all the boys were saying that they were amazed at how much i could smoke...i'm so proud of myself
I had a wet dream about my mom last night. words can't even begin to discribe how scarred I am. what. the. fuck.
My grandma paid her handyman in pain killers. I now know why this is in my genes
She made me cum so hard I couldn't hear for half an hour after
Every time I drink before 5 somebody's pet dies
Stop drinking before 5
Easier said than done
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
My inner pteradactyl is also confused.
Well at least I will forever be known as the girl he ate out on the lifeguard stand while people walked by. On the first date.
I was gonna make a strong case for you to be my midnight kiss, but poptarts sound good too
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
Randomize
