Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
I don't understand why some guys want to have a huge conversation while standing at the urinal with cock in hand...
I think I'm going to inject the gummy vitamins with vodka
I'm glad you're using your medical degree for some good for once
I guess on the plus side everyone really, really enjoyed my nipple clamps
There was just way too much discussion about my penis at that party
i've really grown. sober me left an alarm for me every 10 minutes that said NO FAT CHICKS!
dude. im stealing that.
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
So when I walked out, everyone was chanting ONE OF US, someone draped a lei over my head, and then she grabbed my ass and dragged me back into the bedroom. I'd say it was a pretty good night to lose my virginity.
I TOOK A FINGER IN THE BUTT YOU CAN OPEN THIS MESSAGE
this is a PSA to never have sex in a bed from ikea
Looks like taco salad for lunch. I may have died and gone to be better circle in hell than I thought.
I fuckin love you!
I would reciprocate the feeling if i knew who this was.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
