im holly from the hills drunk
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
She just kept screaming you name over and over. Im starting to think this is my alarm clock
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
The guy you fucked with the lazy eye is here, im avoiding contact by texting you. But i just looked up and he recognizes me, theres no way he doesnt. I'd remember the girl who called me quasimodo all night too. Sober me feels so bad.
So you get idea of what my night was like, I woke up this morning and the back of my head was orange
apparently i came home last night raving about goats and singing songs from muppet treasure island
Butt Stuff 2016 unites us all
I had to try on three different bathing suits to hide my boob hickies
So I wore my ankle step-counter exercise thingy while I rode him. Don't fuck him- I only burned .2 pounds.
Got a blowjob while watching James Bond's "Octopussy." My 13 year old self would be so proud
If I hear that song one more time I will drive to hell and make John Lennon eat my ass.
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