What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
I tried to throw up out of my window but I forgot there was a mesh screen.
Her breakfeast in bed consisted of half a pop tart that I didn't want, and water that I slipped birth control into... Who says chivalry is dead?
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
currently waiting for her to check in on Facebook, the second she does I'm there. someone is getting laid tonight
I'm not stalking, she is pretty much begging me to come find her if she checks in
I think she finds the idea of a naked fat man lying on the table and holding our butter offensive
Well I mean he is in a slightly seductive pose
The fire department told the police that I was inside the burning building trying to pee in the rest of the electrical Outlets. Booyaka.
he just kept repeating "those were some pretty nipple-y tits" over and over the rest of the night
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
I just had a guy ask me if his "jewelry downstairs" would set off the metal detector.
On another note I never thought having a drug addicted stalker would prove useful
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Nothing screams "crazy cat lady" like a nursery in your house when you're over 30, single and have no kids.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
Randomize
