my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
Confirm your location. A cross street is best, but if google mapping yourself is your least-shameful option go for it. ps- going through his mail for an actual address is always an option.
we should start having sex in the shower. less clean up.
On my way, I hope you have alcohol for me to blame stuff on...
"Is there dairy in semen?" was in her recent google searches...so she's lactose intolerant AND a slut.
I wish we never smoked. I'm literally laying in bed opening and closing my eyes, just hoping a hot dog stand will appear in the room.
I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
I had a party to get rid of booze. Woke up with even more. Will do this till I can open a liquor store
Is there a reason why the cops knew her name as they were chasing her?
I thi k this dude I fcken showed up to the bar in a raisins shirts. I thought I was better than that. Fuckkkk.
He told me "it wants a kiss" WHY HAS THIS HAPPENED WITH 2 DIFFERENT PEOPLE.
You know what's fun. When your getting a new mattress and you forget you put your vibrator under your old mattress and the moving guy finds it
I don't have time to shower before my passport photos...your cum is all over my hair...that's with me for 10 years now
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
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