We're pretty sure the 'pocket' aspect of the hot pocket is unnecessary. Testing our theory now.
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
Wow, t9 really hates the phrase "slap her in her sanctimonious pie-hole."
ya i vaguely remember microwaving a whole package of bacon for 20 minutes or so and then eating it all around 4am
all i care about is the story behind my toaster ending up in the microwave
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You can't just leave with hair like that
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
I came home to him frying bacon to put in his beer. He said bacon beer lights, taste the awesomer rockies
Dougie got over his pride nerves. Found him dancing on a float wearing nothing but rainbow boxers.
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
I ended up sleeping on a park bench. Never using Tinder again.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
So I took a screenshot of my boarding pass and the TSA agent somehow swiped it to the next photo. Yep...TSA saw my dick before I even went through the body scanner.
Randomize
