dipping my christmas cookies in kaluha. santa would be proud.
Would you like to blur the lines between friendship and lesbianism tonight?
Lesson Learned this Week... If it seems too good to be true he is probably just trying to get you pregnant.
Dude, didnt you only know that guy for a month and he is demanding offspring?
Apparently, at this age my womb is an early conversation
I don't know what you told him but please make him stop telling me about his new video camera and winking
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
just letting you know that jen either: wasn't feeling well and ate grass to make herself throw up or threw up because she's stupid and ate grass
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
Just sayin. I pissed on his couch, and ruined his stove. If he's not mad, we're partying there every weekend...
I think the old lady next to me at the bar just saw your pussy
He held back my hair as I puked, then kindly asked me to slightly move my head over and pissed right next to my face.
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Can you pick up from work today? There's a surprise for you on the bed and I haven't gone blind which is positive.
No lie. I was hooking up with a former football player at UT and mid-hookup I yelled "I'M FRATERNIZING WITH THE ENEMY"
It's like his penis moved in and did some interior decorating without telling me first...
Randomize