Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
To say he's a good fuck is like saying the beatles had a bit of success. My vag is still mourning the fact he moved.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
well, I was going to forgive her anyway but not because shes my best friend and moreso because shes my drug dealer
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
It's 2:10 am I am sprawled on the floor of the kitchen drunk and eating cold chicken wings come help
My purse is like an anchor I can't move I am sliding around like an over turned turtle send help
This floor is really dirty send a maid if you can
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This is the best 30th birthday ever. In a Motel 6 drinking a shower beer and sending slow-mo dick helicopter videos to you.
I just went to cvs and bought condoms, handcuffs and a coloring book
Randomize
