turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
you kept eating the heads off the gummy bears and screaming 'euthanized!'
My psychiatrist is "consulting" others. I am high-achieving nuts.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
i woke up to find out i googled the Twilight Eclipse trailer. so either drunk me doesn't know that i'm straight, or sober me doesn't know that i'm gay
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
So apparently the bar gave out free condoms, which I now have a pocket full of. Why is drunk me shoving the fact that I'm single and not getting laid in sober me's face...
There's somethin not right about having to take the batteries out of your 27 year old boyfriends gameboy to use in your vibrator
I feel I should make it clear.....I'm not stalking you, I'm stalking ur dick. You don't even need to talk when you get here. At 4am I think we'd both prefer that anyway.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
I only see on penis in this picture but I assume there is another lurking out of sight.
After we won I just ran all over campus for a couple hours. Then made out with a guy on a bench
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
Randomize
