I seriously wish I was FB friends with her
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
Day 3. Will have to postpone job hunting by a month. May have blown out my knee. Was sunburned on Friday. Now look painted red. Still alive. All worth it.
Just did a kegstand with my dad. Happy fathers day.
One girl peed the bed, one lost her panties, another woke up on the piano, I have pink eye and door knobs are missing. This is why I stay in Nebraska
Just realized I left my heels in their microwave. Whoops.
There's a black statue of liberty dancing on the side of the road. Please hold while I join him.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Yeah, I only wore tennis shoes under the gown. Way cooler than khakis and a shirt, but much more awkward when my parents wanted to go to dinner immediately after the ceremony and my grandmother started to unzip the gown. Stopped her before it was too late, but barely. My dad just rolled his eyes.
I mean I'm so obviously classy currently laying in bed watching a movie while finishing my drink from last night
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Walgreens has pop rocks. Be prepared to get your dick sucked.
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
