I murdered the dance floor call the cops
I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Just stole a goat. Bringing it to your house to cock block. Blame the goat not me.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
These are all good points. But, I think your under estimating what it's like to be held upside down for a standing 69
I just told the joker that my vagina is the bat cave and he needs to infiltrate it.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
Went out with the family last night and some 40 yr old lady wanted to take me home. My mom was not happy with me
He just texted me a video of him jerking off. He must really be looking forward to the Super Bowl.
I thought you died. Don't forget it's burger night.
I have a few Facebook friends I only keep around for quality control purposes on Tinder
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
just threw up in a gas staton parking lot in front of a father and son. stared them in the eyes and finished like a boss
Finally hooked up with Ryan. Now I know why they call him “Beast Mode”. So. Many. Orgasms.
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