My boobs aren't big enough for this kind of lifestyle
New moon trailer came on. Theater booed. I love these people.
dude so we were eating nacho cheese popcorn and chasing it with cole slaw
by the way nacho cheese popcorn is me making popcorn and then adding milk butter and mac n cheese mix
He got mauled by a 200lb cement boulder and all he could say in the back of the ambulance is 'I'm so getting laid for this'
She said i saw her in the study room, waved, disappeared, came back with a coke from god knows where, and slurred "i have a drinking problem but i ate grits"
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
Duuuude. Everything is so brilliant right now. This frosting is freaking orgasmic.
It's vanilla, man. Accept no substitutes. There are so many t's in that word.
I left a care package of Jack Daniel's, pancake mix and porn in your apartment. Merry fucking Christmas.
I really want to shower but i'm afraid i'll sober up. My mouth feels like a stripper pole too...
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
Did you ever think you lost your bong and then you find it in the weirdest place? I mean, who leaves their bong in the shower?
Stop chatting and get in the fucking car. I didn't get my asexual ass out of bed just to watch you flirt and fail with someone you're never going to see again.
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
oh.. my GOD my dad just text me... "i need a naked women" ........... help?
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