Well listen chief - never again do i want the scenario of going to the ER totally naked and partially drunk to b a possibility.
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
I'm a gentlemen, chivalry is what i do, i'll open the door, pull out your chair, buy your drinks, i'll even go down first, but when it comes to mario kart, i draw the line. I'm sorry but i just can't let you beat me at mario kart
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
I owe you 20 bucks. My blood work did show liver damage.
yeah, i found the sharpie that everyone use to sign my tits last night. its dead.
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
it was fucking weird. cops showed up but they appreciated our 3 story bong. and then some girl tried to steal our cheese and butter
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
A thong just fell out of my purse in front of my whole class maybe I should stop using this morning class as my walk of shame
Learn from my mistakes, you naive soul: Gay love triangles are just as dangerous as straight love triangles.
that sounds horrible...
what could possibly go wrong attempting to re-enact the dinosaur capture scene from Jurrasic Park... I have the net gun and camcorder you have the dino costume and can run
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
