Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
There is no way he is gay with that hair.
Ask him about the girl he took home Saturday night. I swear she voted for Kennedy.
dont get me wrong, i like when a guy is into my boobs but when he started saying mama i want milk let me suck, i gathered my shit together and bounced.
And then. You beer bonged 3 tall boys. In a row. Fell into some kids lap. And pulled down my shirt trying to get up. Thank you for that. I got laid
I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
I don't mean to insult you, but did you leave your training bra in my bedroom last night?
Passing out is my livers way of protecting my mind.
k. The important thing is we are going out. You are stones. I am mildly hallucenating.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I refused to call him anything but Drake eyebrows all night.
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
Just kidding. Don't worry, you're getting sugar and orgasms for Valentine's day.
My vagina doesn't have a refer a friend program. You don't get $25 for getting your friend to have sex with me.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
Randomize
