You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
If last night was a website it would be called poordecisions.com OR uncircumcisedspanishweiner.org
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
duuuude the clock in this car says its 85 past 19.
dear god, who put you in a cab?
A sandwich with pizza as the bread. I love you.
YES WITH THE SQUARE KIND OF SLICES
It's okay, I found my phone in the toaster oven. Logical explanation: 5 martinis
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
Did she owns a vibrator that will set off seismic activity.
He was asleep with his head on a windowsill and you were petting his head, then you almost left the kitchen and then went back to pet him some more.
There. Isnt. A. Single. Person. Who. Is. Not. High. At. Church.
No ambien sex tonight. I just ate two hotdogs with chilli and onions.
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Randomize
