she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
Never forget that any girl can get her way if she puts her vagina on the table.
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
I can't. I can't get out. He cooked me food. And made me jager bombs. And painted a glow in the dark smilie face on my boobs
I was very proud of myself that day. I had an awesome time. I don't care if I negatively impacted others.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
I just hooked up with the same bartender my dad cheated on my mom with in the 90s. Not sure how this makes me feel.
family traditions my good sir
Aside from having sex with a rando in a toga on george's couch i think taking plan b in the library is the most hashtag college thing i've ever done
I got "plug" during family Catch Phrase and struggled to not make a reference to butt plug so I skipped it
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Why am I cleaning the house twerking to anaconda wearing a bears jersey and helmet?
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I wasn't going to drink tonight, but was reminded this is the anniversary of prohibition being repealed. If I don't, then I am against my profession of bartending and anti-American, right?
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