The old woman next to me on the el smells like cupcakes...but she doesn't taste like cupcakes
i just used burnetts to get spraypaint off the floor of my dorm lobby
now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
I apologize in advance for attempting to drunkenly hookup with your sister
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
Just blew my age on the breathalyzer. I also have 8 stitches in my head. So worth a .22 though. All time record.
took adderall before wrapping presents, ended up making paper snowflakes for two hours
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
When you were bringing him upstairs I told him to bring you on down to pound town. you're welcome.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
Kay so its 9 am whose dumbass is gunna act sober to buy pizza rolls
Dude you promised
Randomize
