Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
Peed in a church parking lot last night. As if Jesus didnt hate me enough already.
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
he sent me a winky sad face. i cannot deal this level of pathetically needy flirtatiousness.
Got in a bar fight defending Prince. Thought you ought to know. He gets his dick sucked cooking eggs for breakfast.
If you have a glass table... Put it up. I don't wanna hurt myself again, I just got my stitches out...
Throwing up in his bed is not a step up in your relationship
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
The amount of knuckle children I've had to the Farrah Abraham sex tape is disturbing and impressive
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Florida is balancing how much this place sucks with how many vodkas you can have to cope in order to still be allowed on the plane to leave
You don't make any sense
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