I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
I'll bet she douches with gravy.
he believed the zit on my nose was a piercing...until he tried to bite it. needless to say he didnt ask for my number
I can't believe he would be such an ass
Your boobs are way too big for you to be worrying about anything.
She threw all the patio furniture in the pool saying she was building a castle.
so... the fat chick just walked over, shook my hand, then introduced herself as "versatile". shoot me now.
I can dry shave vagina like a champ
I just connected with one of your drug dealers on LinkedIn.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
can i get licensed in dentistry online like a priest
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
They were out of watermelon smirnoff, so we got you a fifth of 5 o'clock and an actual watermelon.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
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