drunk...on the white house tour...security is staring. this will not end well.
Yeah it was hard to find an opportunity while fucking him to say "oh the reason my lips taste so salty is because i blew your roomate 15 minutes ago"
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
He stopped responding after the animal pictures... I do this EVERY TIME.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I found a Trump-humping republican virgin born on the goddamn Fourth of July. I NEED to hate-fuck him.
Your aunt just offered to blow me for a ride home....how did you end up such a prude?
he was snoring so I have him a bj to wake him up and then told him he had to leave.
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
I’m calling dibs!
You can’t call dibs on dick. That’s free range dick. May the best vagina win!
Randomize