Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
Vanilla vodka + chocolate soymilk does NOT equal an epic milkshake.
it's like i can feel the ghost of his dick still inside me
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
her night didn't end so well, both of her boyfriends got arrested... together.
He brought Stephanie home from the black light party. Apparently he has night vision beer goggles
He rubs his penis on back when he think I'm sleeping
Let's play a little game of "Last Night Never Happened"
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
I swear to the sweet baby jesus I didn't fill your freezer with salsa and my little pony toys, but I didn't stop them either.
No I don't. You owe me sex and cinnamon rolls.
I'm about 40% drunk. You know, not drunk enough to light the bar on fire, but drunk enough to let the cougar hit on me.
Double-fisting ice cream and wine. Do not send help.
Randomize
