we are at a mexican restaurant and the tv is playing mexican porn. dad won't stop watching.
dude i'm inner monologue high
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
It's alright she couldn't hear you. Her legs were over her ears
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I've gotten 2 singers numbers, a 6'5 dude has promised to take me to Oktoberfest, and I spent the night w a pilot named Zeus who looks like caramel tastes. Also I sprained my thumb punching some guy I named 'hater'. I love Nashville
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
How hard do you think it would be to make a drinking game out of a Slip-N-Slide? Asking for a friend.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
He literally just made me hold his dick while he peed cause he wanted to know if I could aim as good as him
He asked me how many starwars references he could make before i no longer find him attractive.
I broke my dick don't ask me how I need help putting in a catheter so I can piss.
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