i guess i finally out drove tiger woods this morning..
Im forcing mysellf to pee so i can fit more margaritas in me...
due to concerns over safety, the theme of the 'naked fondue party' has now been changed to the 'naked fondue party with optional apron' please b.y.o.apron. extra prizes for most creative apron.
No, seriously, 1.5 gallons of sangria plus two days of untapped cock. Waiting here. For you.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
We just did a shot to "getting laid in the bar bathroom". I love where this thursday is headed
Don't blame me for eating all the ham.. I gave it out to people, so at most I'm guilty of ham distribution
This is going to be another afternoon spent getting drunk in the shower, isn't it?
just used my nephews bottle to take my birth control
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I'm sure he'll make the rejection quick and completely justified.
I see the guy who's been trying to get me to let him eat my ass became engaged on Facebook today; would framed screen shots be an appropriate wedding present?
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
my gynecologist gave me a high 5 for not getting any STD's since my last visit and said "Way to go Annabeth!" you have twenty seconds to get to my level
Oh yeah, it was definitely the best sex of my life, I just don't think I can fix the kitchen table before my parents get back...
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