alright she left, finally time to fart up the room
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
Set off the fire alarm in our dorm at 2:30 am last night. 150 Naked people wrapped in towels shared a bag of popcorn with me as we watched the firefighters frantically search for my burnt popcorn in the building.
OMG THAT WAS YOU?!
I'd rather say I'm a whore then admit it's his child. Its that bad.
if that blanket by the dog bowl was your dog's "bed" then i apologize to bailey for having sex on it
I'm soaked in champagne. I'm eating oatmeal from mcdonalds tonight was glorious
If I get over there and the april fools joke is that there's no HBO, I'm setting fire to the place.
Who ever is in the stall next to me is crying and it sounds like they're doing massive amounts of blow too. Finals for your ass huh.
Hay for your next interview you should go in with fake blood on your cloths and tell them you just finished saving a life, then cry
We may not see eye-to-eye on much, but I'm definitely willing to let you see eye-to-vagina again.
Yeah I'd rather get obliterated at home.
Same here. I'd like to ensure that I won't get pissed on.
Normally roommates threatening each other with knives would be too much crazy for me, but I don't have much going on right now and I feel like this could get interesting. So I think I'm gonna ride this shit out for a while.
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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