Myspace is for pedophiles and tweakers in the 818 trying to hook up. I always forget theres music there too
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
threw up in a bar last night and got laid on an air mattress. my bucket list just got a lot shorter
We shoved chex mix between her tits for her own survival.
Your job is getting in the way of our day drinking. Shots on the hour are not as cool alone.
I woke up naked in my bathtub at 5:30 this morning. There's legit a spray tan body print of me in the fetal position in my tub.
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
Nothing says Panama City like condoms washing up on the shore.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
YOU WILL GIVE ME MASHED POTATOES OR I WILL RIP YOUR SOUL INTO 7 PIECES AND YOU WILL TURN INTO LORD VOLDEMORT
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
Shame - the story of my life.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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